All cats know that owning a human can be very useful sometimes. They know how to turn the central heating on, they’re good at making cosy piles of clean washing for us to nap in, and they have great taste in scratchable wallpaper. But sometimes they just really get on my nerve-filled whiskers… Here are the top five ways humans drive us cats mad:
1) Controlling the weather.
It’s bad enough when the humans decide that it’s going to rain in the back garden, but when I check the front of the house and find that they’ve made it rain just as much there too, I’m not impressed. I get it. They hate me. But they could at least let me visit the tabby next-door without having to get wet. Sodden fur is really not a good look for me.
2) Forgetting that kitchen = dinnertime. Always.
I don’t care if they’re only in the kitchen to make a mid-morning cuppa or find a spare lightbulb. Anyone going anywhere near my food cupboard should know they have to feed me at the same time, whatever time of day it is and however much I’ve already eaten. There’s only so much I can try to remind them by tangling myself up in their feet and crying pitifully. They still just don’t get it. Silly humans.
3) Reacting badly to presents.
Whenever I’m feeling especially generous or my humans seem to be struggling to forage for themselves, I like to bring them back a little treat from my nighttime adventures. Sometimes I even make extra sure that their gift is still half-alive so they can join in the fun of chasing it first, but they never seem especially grateful. I’ve tried them with all sorts of different things, from mice and birds to the odd frog, but they obviously just have ridiculously fussy tastebuds… Sigh.
4) Shutting doors.
I know I spend about 90% of my day asleep in the exact same spot, but that doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally like to wander around the house, surveying my kingdom. Discovering a closed door while I’m doing my rounds is like a great big slap in the face. I just don’t see what could possibly be behind there that I can’t stick my nose into. I guarantee that if you’re doing anything dirty, messy or involving tiny pieces of paper I’d absolutely love to help!
5) Being way too needy.
Sometimes it’s nice to show a bit of love (I always feel especially affectionate around dinnertime for some reason…), but my humans often seem to forget that I get to choose when the cuddling stops. It might look like I’m enjoying having my head rubbed, but they still shouldn’t be surprised when I suddenly get bored of being adored and have to jab my claws into their leg to remind them that I’m an independent feline. Let’s be honest, if they’d wanted someone that was going to acknowledge their existence at least once a day, they should have picked a dog!